how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize