Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
