i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
