She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
