I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
