Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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