you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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