U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
