how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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