Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
