please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
