nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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