...so i touched it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
