I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
