I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
