grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize