addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
