Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
