First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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