Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
