i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
