Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
