I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
