Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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