do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
