A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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