she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
