we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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