I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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