You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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