Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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