we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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