Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
