would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
