dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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