the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
