Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize