You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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