So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My cat gives me a boner
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
