I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
