If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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