dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i drank out of a bidet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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