things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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