Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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