she looked like the before picture.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i think i just lost a toe
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
