well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
