We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
