i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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