babies were throwing up all over the place
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
