i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
