I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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