Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
