He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
