I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We were destined to go to rehab together
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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