my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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