Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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