You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
