i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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