Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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