we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
