I could make wine with my vomit
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The air taste purple.
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