And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You were trust falling into bushes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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