"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
