It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
