When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
